If only...
by OUPT
Summary: My first ff. Please r/r!!


Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gilmore Girls.  
  
Please read and review!!!  
  
If only…  
  
The halls were quite dark now. She looked around, images from years past flooding her brain. She grins to herself as she remembers all the conversations, misunderstanding and arguments, as well as the joking and laughing among friends. How she became such good friends with some of them, she'll never know. She was an outsider. She didn't grow up with her every wish being granted, her every desire being bought for her. But she did grow up with a life full of love. She understood the importance of that one thing. She knew that money could not give these "rich kids" everything she had in her life. She was an angel entering a world where she didn't seem to belong. Only she did. She fought hard to make a place for herself in this world. Lord knew she was smart enough and determined enough.  
  
Now she had returned to the place that had caused her so much pain in the beginning. Only now, she was here on official business. She knew why they chose to give her this assignment, but still… She didn't want some of the memories to return, but she knew now she could no longer stop them. Sure, she was living her dream. She had the perfect life, the perfect husband, and the perfect kids. But something was still missing, and would now forever be lost to her.  
  
As she walked back outside, she found herself standing by a bench. More memories… Why couldn't things have just stayed like they were that day forever? She knows now he just wanted her love, but all she could give him was friendship. Why was she so surprised when he couldn't accept that? He was the all-or-nothing kind of guy. When he didn't get what he wanted, he almost destroyed himself. Almost. He decided that he should get his act together. He knew his life was not good enough for her, so he was determined to change it. He devoted himself to making his life better. Hell, he even took up one community service project after another just to show her. After awhile though, he realized he was no longer trying to change for her, but for himself. He was a new man. He found he cherished every opportunity he came across to help someone. Whether it was giving a child a winter coat or buying a burger for a man who was down on his luck to going to Honduras every year to help clean and rebuild parts of their community, he no longer found himself using her as his motivation. He actually liked this new person. This person didn't have nightmares every night about turning into his father. This person slept peacefully and had wonderful dreams filled with life and love.  
  
He took the road less traveled. He used his family name, money, and power to get into Harvard Medical School. He knew this was her school, but he was not going there just to see her again. He wanted the best education and to attend the best school. He avoided the English department like the plague. He wasn't ready to see her again. He didn't know if he would ever be ready. He just knew he had to finish school and get on with his life of good will.  
  
During his last year of medical school, he decided it was time to write her a letter. He actually had not thought of her in ages. He was way to busy to let girls enter his mind, even the perfect girl. He wrote her a long letter, filled with nothing of his accomplishments, but of his sorrow for days past and fallen tears he had caused. He asked nothing about her life now. He didn't want a continuing correspondence just yet. He asked just one thing from her: Her forgiveness. He sent the letter to her grandparents' house. He knew they would know where to find her. He didn't want to use all his resources to find out exactly where she was. If she wanted him to know, she would tell him.  
  
She remembers exactly where she was when she got the letter. She had been expecting it, not because she knew who it was from or what it was about, but because her grandmother had mentioned she received a letter at their residence and she would forward it on. She was on her way out and met the mail carrier. She took her mail and stuck it in her purse. She had been in a huge hurry to get to an interview. After the interview, she went by her favorite Starbucks and sat down, pulling out her mail. She noticed her grandmothers writing on one of the envelopes and decided to open this mysterious letter first.  
  
As she read the letter, memories came flooding back. She remembered everything she tried so hard to forget. All the trouble he caused for her, all the pain he put her through. All for what? Damn him, he didn't even have the decency to explain why. She folded the letter back up, placed it in the envelope, tossed it in the trash, grabbed her coffee, and went on with her life, never to think of the letter again. Until now.  
  
Now she was forced to think about it. To think about everything. To think about him. How could she have been so cruel to not even respond? She now knows what it took for him to write her the letter. She now knows more about him than she ever thought she wanted to know. As a single tear rolls down her cheek, she realizes her mistakes. If only she had replied. If only she had known about this life of his. If only she had forgiven him. If only she had another chance. If only she could at least say that after everything, they were friends. 


End file.
